Pregnancy before Marriage- righteousness, and pragmatism

This could be an inappropriate post for many. Many righteous beings might find this post blasphemous. Feel free to pass your judgment.

As most of you know, I met my husband when I was 16. After nearly a decade long courtship, we married and had our daughter even before our 1st anniversary. She was preterm but she was 2KG and hence doc said there is no need to keep her in a warmer.

Lo and behold! The couple that was all over the place for so many years had a preterm baby that was not kept inside a warmer. This child is conceived before marriage!

Well, we got married on Nov 28 and had our “premie” on Sep 6. You can calculate for yourself. The human species cannot carry a baby for more than 9 months. So either I should be an elephant  or a character in some mega serial to have a longer gestation period. Even after 9 years, the story is doing rounds.
My friends comforted me telling me that even if such a story is going rounds, you married him. So the matter is closed.

THIS IS NOT THE REAL POINT BEHIND MY POST

WHAT IF?
WHAT IF I CONCEIVED BEFORE MARRIAGE?
WHAT IF I DIDN’T MARRY MY CHILD’S FATHER?
WHAT IF I DON’T MARRY AT ALL?

In an era when sex workers are gaining their due respect, girls who conceive before marriage are judged and loathed.

The result!

Kids end up in orphanages. I personally know hospitals that have a tie-up with orphanages to handover these “conceived-before-marriage” kids.

What if these illegitimate kids are born preterm?

When the mother is not ready to claim her child, who will pay for the NICU treatment?

Nobody!

What about their fate?
A whole can of worms will be let out if we ponder more into it.

When will they stop judging an unmarried mother?

When will they shed the sense of entitlement which weighs above humanity?

Above all, when will they learn to wear a condom, for God’s sake?

#motherhood

Comments

120 responses to “Pregnancy before Marriage- righteousness, and pragmatism”

  1. Kavitha Avatar
    Kavitha

    Our society is full of conservative people so we should be progressive and talk about these things very openly. To make a change in our society we have to change our opinions and thoughts.

    1. Megha Bajpai Avatar
      Megha Bajpai

      This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative , but we should be more open about it . It is not a crime

  2. Kavitha Avatar
    Kavitha

    Our society is full of conservative people so we should be progressive and talk about these things very openly. To make a change in our society we have to change our opinions and thoughts.

    1. Megha Bajpai Avatar
      Megha Bajpai

      This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative , but we should be more open about it . It is not a crime

  3. Varsha Dubey Avatar
    Varsha Dubey

    The society in which we are living has so narrow-minded thoughts, and it’s a great perceptive we should talk about these things openly.

  4. Varsha Dubey Avatar
    Varsha Dubey

    The society in which we are living has so narrow-minded thoughts, and it’s a great perceptive we should talk about these things openly.

    1. Rakhi Jayashankar Avatar

      I swear. It is sad too

  5. Kaavini Avatar

    Honestly everyone in the society is going to drag you down. It’s upto you how you rise above it. We are often misunderstood if we share our thoughts.

  6. Kaavini Avatar

    Honestly everyone in the society is going to drag you down. It’s upto you how you rise above it. We are often misunderstood if we share our thoughts.

  7. Anugya Sharma Avatar
    Anugya Sharma

    Its great to open up and talk about the untolds.

    1. Jess Avatar
      Jess

      Really interesting, great topic for conversation

  8. Anugya Sharma Avatar
    Anugya Sharma

    Its great to open up and talk about the untolds.

    1. Rakhi Jayashankar Avatar

      Yeah. Happy that you liked it

    2. Jess Avatar
      Jess

      Really interesting, great topic for conversation

  9. Nisha Avatar
    Nisha

    Our society likes to believe what they like to fantasize 🙄
    One cannot make everyone happy. We will lose our happiness in doing so. So we better focus on ourselves n grow more. Let’s push this society out of our way.

  10. Nisha Avatar
    Nisha

    Our society likes to believe what they like to fantasize 🙄
    One cannot make everyone happy. We will lose our happiness in doing so. So we better focus on ourselves n grow more. Let’s push this society out of our way.

  11. Nikhita Kapoor Avatar
    Nikhita Kapoor

    Your article tell us real fact and truth of our society. We should all be open minded.

  12. Nikhita Kapoor Avatar
    Nikhita Kapoor

    Your article tell us real fact and truth of our society. We should all be open minded.

  13. Noelle Avatar
    Noelle

    It’s great to open up and talk about sensitive topics, fab post , so very true

  14. Noelle Avatar
    Noelle

    It’s great to open up and talk about sensitive topics, fab post , so very true

  15. HealthMetrics Avatar

    Most people in our society especially are super narrow minded and always want to poke their nose in others business! So perfectly explained!

  16. HealthMetrics Avatar

    Most people in our society especially are super narrow minded and always want to poke their nose in others business! So perfectly explained!

  17. Namita Avatar
    Namita

    This is a very sensitive , less talked about topic but really need of the hour to openly discuss this, thanks for bringing up such issues dear👏

  18. Namita Avatar
    Namita

    This is a very sensitive , less talked about topic but really need of the hour to openly discuss this, thanks for bringing up such issues dear👏

  19. Shivangi Avatar
    Shivangi

    Your article is superb..you talked about reality and truth..we should talk about this things openly..

  20. Shivangi Avatar
    Shivangi

    Your article is superb..you talked about reality and truth..we should talk about this things openly..

  21. Kirti Bhupendra Sharma Avatar

    I honestly feel emotional and proud for you, your story is really heart touchting and Beautiful as well ❤️
    I don’t care what other think or say about this but honestly I just fell in love with this. And society…. Ahhhh Just ignore 🤨🤗

  22. Kirti Bhupendra Sharma Avatar

    I honestly feel emotional and proud for you, your story is really heart touchting and Beautiful as well ❤️
    I don’t care what other think or say about this but honestly I just fell in love with this. And society…. Ahhhh Just ignore 🤨🤗

  23. Asma Avatar
    Asma

    Your article is showing truth of our society. It’s so sensitive.

  24. Asma Avatar
    Asma

    Your article is showing truth of our society. It’s so sensitive.

  25. Naina Avatar
    Naina

    That was so on point girl. Why are women judged for their life choices always. It’s ones choice to have a Child or not. Have it before marriage or after or not at all.

  26. Naina Avatar
    Naina

    That was so on point girl. Why are women judged for their life choices always. It’s ones choice to have a Child or not. Have it before marriage or after or not at all.

  27. Sonykaaur Makeupstudio Avatar

    This is so important information, people need to be more broad minded in today’s time.

  28. Sonykaaur Makeupstudio Avatar

    This is so important information, people need to be more broad minded in today’s time.

    1. Rakhi Jayashankar Avatar

      Yeah. Happy that you liked it

  29. Anusikha bhattacharya Avatar
    Anusikha bhattacharya

    This information is very important and must be known by people 💯☺️

  30. Anusikha bhattacharya Avatar
    Anusikha bhattacharya

    This information is very important and must be known by people 💯☺️

  31. Anusikha bhattacharya Avatar
    Anusikha bhattacharya

    This information is very important and must be known by people 💯☺️

  32. Anusikha bhattacharya Avatar
    Anusikha bhattacharya

    This information is very important and must be known by people 💯☺️

  33. Prachi Singh Avatar
    Prachi Singh

    Your page contains lots of information amd it should be shared more

  34. Prachi Singh Avatar
    Prachi Singh

    Your page contains lots of information amd it should be shared more

  35. Lets Aahaar Avatar
    Lets Aahaar

    It is a beautiful read.. And Very apt

  36. Lets Aahaar Avatar
    Lets Aahaar

    It is a beautiful read.. And Very apt

  37. Cabincrew_tips Avatar
    Cabincrew_tips

    Yes…our society is full of narrow minded people…v shld clear and talk abt it openly

  38. Cabincrew_tips Avatar
    Cabincrew_tips

    Yes…our society is full of narrow minded people…v shld clear and talk abt it openly

  39. Ayesha Avatar
    Ayesha

    Honestly saying, everyone in the society is so much interested in others life. And because of this they judge people, which is so wrong. Everyone must understand that a person can do whatever they like unless they are not hurting themselves or others.

  40. Ayesha Avatar
    Ayesha

    Honestly saying, everyone in the society is so much interested in others life. And because of this they judge people, which is so wrong. Everyone must understand that a person can do whatever they like unless they are not hurting themselves or others.

  41. Samanta sin H Avatar

    We as a society really reed to stop making some situations taboo and start focusing on other things. If someone had conceived before marriage then it’s not our place to be judging, but depending on the situation of the mother we should have a way of helping. Talking about this issues is important because it removes the stigma and helps society be better.

  42. Samanta sin H Avatar

    We as a society really reed to stop making some situations taboo and start focusing on other things. If someone had conceived before marriage then it’s not our place to be judging, but depending on the situation of the mother we should have a way of helping. Talking about this issues is important because it removes the stigma and helps society be better.

  43. nasmagafoor Avatar

    Is there a place on the face of earth where we could be less victim of judgments? We indians especially are those who have worshipped ‘slut shaming’ and badged ourselves as the most cultured society!!!

  44. nasmagafoor Avatar

    Is there a place on the face of earth where we could be less victim of judgments? We indians especially are those who have worshipped ‘slut shaming’ and badged ourselves as the most cultured society!!!

  45. Shraddha Bose Avatar
    Shraddha Bose

    It’s so true.. thanks for sharing

  46. Shraddha Bose Avatar
    Shraddha Bose

    It’s so true.. thanks for sharing

  47. chandni Avatar
    chandni

    This this is the true face of Indian society where at one end people are talking about the upliftmen of women’s ,women empowerment and their rights and other end when the women is actually in need no one stands by her …..and unfortunately it is the women only who gossip most at such times and let the other women down…WE need to rise in our thoughts actions and get some sensitivity for this subject ..

  48. chandni Avatar
    chandni

    This this is the true face of Indian society where at one end people are talking about the upliftmen of women’s ,women empowerment and their rights and other end when the women is actually in need no one stands by her …..and unfortunately it is the women only who gossip most at such times and let the other women down…WE need to rise in our thoughts actions and get some sensitivity for this subject ..

  49. Kisshmish Avatar
    Kisshmish

    This is so true and you have shared plenty of information here…Nice..!!!

  50. Kisshmish Avatar
    Kisshmish

    This is so true and you have shared plenty of information here…Nice..!!!

  51. Gurveen Kaur Avatar
    Gurveen Kaur

    This is really sad but true.☹️

  52. Gurveen Kaur Avatar
    Gurveen Kaur

    This is really sad but true.☹️

  53. Raveena Avatar
    Raveena

    We all are surrounded with conservative people and because of that though we don’t want to think like we tend to at times … it’s the worst thing when a woman only talks about this … it’s so well written

  54. Raveena Avatar
    Raveena

    We all are surrounded with conservative people and because of that though we don’t want to think like we tend to at times … it’s the worst thing when a woman only talks about this … it’s so well written

  55. joshimansvi03 Avatar

    This post is really good you have done really good job

  56. joshimansvi03 Avatar

    This post is really good you have done really good job

  57. gitsszz Avatar

    That is so true…our society is filled with a lot of hypocrites… people are quick to judge without even considering the consequences. Issues are raised according to convenience.

  58. gitsszz Avatar

    That is so true…our society is filled with a lot of hypocrites… people are quick to judge without even considering the consequences. Issues are raised according to convenience.

  59. Sanam Aijaz Avatar
    Sanam Aijaz

    This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative
    This post is really good you have done really good job

  60. Sanam Aijaz Avatar
    Sanam Aijaz

    This is very controversial topic has our society is so conservative
    This post is really good you have done really good job

  61. Albina Avatar
    Albina

    I would say no one can judge no one because only God can judge, but unfortunately people love talking and gossiping about others without looking into their own life! And life is very hard something or circumstances and things can happen in life! We all should look for our lives and not others!

  62. Albina Avatar
    Albina

    I would say no one can judge no one because only God can judge, but unfortunately people love talking and gossiping about others without looking into their own life! And life is very hard something or circumstances and things can happen in life! We all should look for our lives and not others!

  63. Ipsita Roy Avatar
    Ipsita Roy

    It’s so important to talk and teach about this things .

  64. Ipsita Roy Avatar
    Ipsita Roy

    It’s so important to talk and teach about this things .

  65. Michellemujgan.mua Avatar
    Michellemujgan.mua

    You have touched on a very good point… people should stop sticking their noses into peoples life and live in a humanity way.

    1. Rakhi Jayashankar Avatar

      I swear. It is sad too

  66. Michellemujgan.mua Avatar
    Michellemujgan.mua

    You have touched on a very good point… people should stop sticking their noses into peoples life and live in a humanity way.

  67. Shabana Asmi Avatar
    Shabana Asmi

    This is very controversial topic, good that you come up.

  68. Shabana Asmi Avatar
    Shabana Asmi

    This is very controversial topic, good that you come up.

  69. that_glamworld_ Avatar
    that_glamworld_

    Great post👍👍Our society is so conservative😀..m glad that u are talking about it openly👏👏

  70. that_glamworld_ Avatar
    that_glamworld_

    Great post👍👍Our society is so conservative😀..m glad that u are talking about it openly👏👏

  71. Hinayat Sahni Avatar
    Hinayat Sahni

    I believe one should be open to these things open heartedly . Respect all .

  72. Hinayat Sahni Avatar
    Hinayat Sahni

    I believe one should be open to these things open heartedly . Respect all .

  73. Krupamehtaspakwan Avatar
    Krupamehtaspakwan

    Much needed post we should learn to speak👍👍

  74. Krupamehtaspakwan Avatar
    Krupamehtaspakwan

    Much needed post we should learn to speak👍👍

  75. Brinda Avatar
    Brinda

    This is very controversial topic and our society is so conservative… but we should be more open about it!

  76. Brinda Avatar
    Brinda

    This is very controversial topic and our society is so conservative… but we should be more open about it!

  77. Phalk Avatar
    Phalk

    Wow it was much needed to be shared👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

  78. Phalk Avatar
    Phalk

    Wow it was much needed to be shared👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

  79. Niharika Avatar
    Niharika

    Wow . Such an exceptional writing and such important topic. India has a long way to go untill it can normalise pre martial sex or pregnancy .

  80. Niharika Avatar
    Niharika

    Wow . Such an exceptional writing and such important topic. India has a long way to go untill it can normalise pre martial sex or pregnancy .

  81. Kanchan Avatar
    Kanchan

    We should talk about this

  82. Kanchan Avatar
    Kanchan

    We should talk about this

  83. Dr. Surbhi Prapanna Avatar
    Dr. Surbhi Prapanna

    Yes in our society there are some fixed norm that is expected to follow by everyone. I really like the way you had shared your thoughts so bravely without having a fear of being judged.

  84. Dr. Surbhi Prapanna Avatar
    Dr. Surbhi Prapanna

    Yes in our society there are some fixed norm that is expected to follow by everyone. I really like the way you had shared your thoughts so bravely without having a fear of being judged.

  85. romagptasinha Avatar

    You have the raised the right questions and I M totally with you on this. It is totally out right the society is no one to judge us.

  86. romagptasinha Avatar

    You have the raised the right questions and I M totally with you on this. It is totally out right the society is no one to judge us.

  87. Gurjeet Chhabra Avatar

    Our society is conservative and I really feel sorry forgot mother and kids who are living in this society that does not care about mom and child but pass comment,make judgements

  88. Gurjeet Chhabra Avatar

    Our society is conservative and I really feel sorry forgot mother and kids who are living in this society that does not care about mom and child but pass comment,make judgements

  89. myworldwitheira Avatar

    Our society, our communities need to change for good. It is because of such people and their judgements that a newborn has to be given away by a mother(married or not). I did not change my maiden name, but till date I have come across many hospitals where while doing a small blood test, I had to explain that Im married and hve kids but it’s just that my name is not changed and that bothered them alot.

  90. myworldwitheira Avatar

    Our society, our communities need to change for good. It is because of such people and their judgements that a newborn has to be given away by a mother(married or not). I did not change my maiden name, but till date I have come across many hospitals where while doing a small blood test, I had to explain that Im married and hve kids but it’s just that my name is not changed and that bothered them alot.

  91. MeenalSonal Mathur Avatar

    To have a child and when to have a child is completely personal decision. Societal pressure and communities talking is a local affair for every step woman takes so ignoring them and moving ahead with personal notion is best we can do.

  92. MeenalSonal Mathur Avatar

    To have a child and when to have a child is completely personal decision. Societal pressure and communities talking is a local affair for every step woman takes so ignoring them and moving ahead with personal notion is best we can do.

  93. Varsh Avatar

    Subjecting anyone to such kind of judgement is unfair and downright invasive. Girls having an active sex life before marriage is still a taboo and that’s what leads to abandonment of babies in case of unplanned pregnancies. This needs to change.

  94. Varsh Avatar

    Subjecting anyone to such kind of judgement is unfair and downright invasive. Girls having an active sex life before marriage is still a taboo and that’s what leads to abandonment of babies in case of unplanned pregnancies. This needs to change.

  95. mummatalks Avatar

    No matter how advance, the society is still very conservative in its thoughts. I believe everyone has a right to their own choices and should not be judged for their preferences.

  96. mummatalks Avatar

    No matter how advance, the society is still very conservative in its thoughts. I believe everyone has a right to their own choices and should not be judged for their preferences.

  97. Shalu Sharma Avatar

    I LOVE this post!!! This is such an important topic to talk about. People are grilled for their choices and decisions. No one has a right to pinpoint others and be moral police for people. Even if a baby is conceived before marriage, or born out of wedlock, people have no business in commenting.

  98. Shalu Sharma Avatar

    I LOVE this post!!! This is such an important topic to talk about. People are grilled for their choices and decisions. No one has a right to pinpoint others and be moral police for people. Even if a baby is conceived before marriage, or born out of wedlock, people have no business in commenting.

  99. jhilmildsaha Avatar
    jhilmildsaha

    It is a sad reality of our society. Not sure how long this stigma would be around but hats off to you to raise such a “bold” topic as per societal standards.

  100. jhilmildsaha Avatar
    jhilmildsaha

    It is a sad reality of our society. Not sure how long this stigma would be around but hats off to you to raise such a “bold” topic as per societal standards.

  101. sonam jain Avatar

    this is a stigma in society and I dont know when will this go away..but it’s time we women raise children who break these conceived notions

  102. sonam jain Avatar

    this is a stigma in society and I dont know when will this go away..but it’s time we women raise children who break these conceived notions

  103. momtasticworld Avatar
    momtasticworld

    Quite a thouoght provoking post this is. I understand as a spciety we have quite a lotof work to do and make this a bit better place for our future generations 🙂

  104. momtasticworld Avatar
    momtasticworld

    Quite a thouoght provoking post this is. I understand as a spciety we have quite a lotof work to do and make this a bit better place for our future generations 🙂

  105. Harjeet Kaur Avatar

    There is more to it that just conceiving before marriage. However progressive we may be. You did marry your baby’s father but those who give birth and the father is not around, the kids are bullied no end. Please watch Tribhanga that released recently. As parents, you may have the tenacity to tolerate the jibes but kids are vulnerable and can be scarred for life.

  106. Harjeet Kaur Avatar

    There is more to it that just conceiving before marriage. However progressive we may be. You did marry your baby’s father but those who give birth and the father is not around, the kids are bullied no end. Please watch Tribhanga that released recently. As parents, you may have the tenacity to tolerate the jibes but kids are vulnerable and can be scarred for life.

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