We live in a era of female rights where loud proclamations of reservations and equal pay are rife. But knowingly or not, we are still living in an era where sexist comments camouflaged as acknowledging a woman’s eminence. It is high time we grow above these vile, veiled backscratches which are sexist comments in reality and see sense.
The subtle sexist comments:
Benevolent sexism – My wife is so sacrificing:
Praise a woman who shows the least self-worth as the most angelic human being, use her as an example to put down an opinionated woman. You should see sense and understand that it is a trick to make a woman pledge her individuality. The single word to this veiled trick is benevolent sexism.
Don’t let yourself fall for this trick. It is a conditioning that has been used for centuries to make sure that a woman is discouraged from thinking about herself. By proclaiming that she keeps everyone as a priority and thus she is a goddess , they make sure that she is think twice before thiking about herself. Who would want to stop hearing those praises. This in turn conditions a woman to think that she is perfect because she is keeping herself a least priority. Hence she passes on this ideology to her next generations. Haven’t you heard ” oh! these women should bow before her. She handles the household single handedly”. When you hear this next time, just ask if she is incapable of loving herself.
I let her do everything:
This is an even more dangerous trend. By “letting” her they are making themselves an entitled being who has the power of approval. Why should someone let another person do this or that? Is the other person asking for this “letting” or not letting. A man who lets his wife to do what she likes is not an ideal husband. He is also yet another control freak that makes sure that she doesn’t do anything without his permission. “He will anyways permit but let me ask him” , would be the poor woman’s thought.
Next time you hear this comment from a man or a woman for that matter, you tell that that letting or not letting is not their choice. Doing or not doing is her choice.
He isn’t man enough to control his wife:
This is a comment used widely especially in the Indian community. Indirectly they are condoning domestic violence by stating that a man can beat his wife to make her see sense. This line is widely used by men and women alike. Because even the women are conditioned to think that a man is responsible for controlling his wife’s actions. Why doesn’t this comment arise in the context of a woman? Isn’t the gender parity clear?
Next time you hear this comment, tell them ” I am going to sue you for supporting domestic violence”.
We don’t need feminism:
The women who state this want to be treated with respect, be recognized for what they do, have an equal voice in household decisions but don’t want feminism. Because according to them feminism is a rebellion against men. Little do they know that feminism is a simple call for all these equals that they want. Feminism has been portrayed of late as a regressive term that degrades the society. Why this unawareness about such a valuable movement?
Being a feminist, I don’t even support female reservation. Let the women be promoted based on the merits. Isn’t that the real feminism? But Alas! A bunch of pseudofeminists has blown this false notion out of proportion. Hence the name feminist brings to mind, a woman with a large bindi/nosepin with a black spectacle wearing Jute saree or kurta and is flagbearer of misandry. Why? Why should this geenration spoil the decades long fights to equality with this false notion?
I control my husband:
This has been a new trend to make their spouses cut ties with their friends and family in the name of woman’s right. Like a woman, a man too has the right to enjoy and have fun provided he reciprocates it. This is the continuaton of the feministic comment. We have been suppressed for the longest time but that doesn’t mean that it is time to turn the tables. A woman need not treated with respect because she is a woman. She should be respected on the basis of her character(not the submissive, self-loathing one), credibility, and capability.
You husband is not your private property. He has the right to have his family with him, along with his friends. You too have a bunch of friends of your own and stop locking your better half behind you in the name of woman’s rights. We should see the difference between feminism and female chauvinism. We are living in an era where giving salary for domestic work are discussed but equal respect is imperative.
Comments don’t end here:
- Gentlemen shoul pull a chair for women – A man need not pull the chair or open the doors for a woman. She is capable of doing it.
- Gentlemen should hold the shopping bags – A man need not hold his wife’s shopping bags
- Gentlement should open the car doors – Car door has a knob not some unliftable weight. She can open it.
- Ladies first – There is nothing called ladies first. Let the most capable be first.
- Men don’t cry – Men do cry. Tear glands are not situated in the uterus that only women could use it.
- Why don’t she go with family? – Girls can go out alone with friends. That doesn’t give anyone license to misbehave.
- He looks like a girl – Boys can look like girls and vice versa because they are born from the union of two different genders.
- After all you are a girl – Well does that need even an explanation?
- I will teach you a lesson and you will rise after 9 months only –No man can teach a woman a lesson in 9 months. It is she who decides what comes out of her in 9 months. It could be mentural blood or a child. She decides.
So from now onwards, stop letting her do it. It should be her choice, not yours. You can give an opinion as an equal partner, not an order. Stop making her see sense with your hands. After a couple of decades, the same hands might need her help to rise. We need feminism. Because feminism is equality, not misandry. Hence from now onwards let’s not silently condone these sexist comments. Be strong Love yourself. Nurture your soul.