I am sure many of you might find this topic uncomfortable. You might hesitate, sharing this as this is a taboo, especially in Indian Society. A week after marriage, the couple will be badgered with questions about “Good news” but talking about what brings the good news! Oh it’s a blasphemy. Will that end there? Once you have your child, you will be bombarded with advice about feeding your baby, bathing your baby, eating your food, this that and everything under the sun except your changing relationship. Lack of libido is a major roadblock your will experience in your relationship.
Lack of Libido – Time to start talking
You will be shy to talk to others about your changes, which is conveniently termed lack of mood, lack of interest, etc. You can ignore this and go on. At some stage, it would be back to normal. But that’s not the case always.
I have seen many couples drift apart right after delivery and used to wonder what changes after having a baby. Now, after going through the travail myself, I know why?
Lack of libido in women is a subject that has not much discussed or crushed aside as something that should not be discussed. Today, let me tell you how I overcame my situation. It might or might not help you.
I might be judged for discussing this topic but I don’t care. So, what to do?
1. Don’t blame yourself
You are not a superhuman so as to handle your child, take care of the household, deal with lack of sleep, work-related stress and finally jump into the bed and have the steamiest love making.
You must know that it is quite natural to not feel anything. The key is that you should realise it and be ready ti accept it without blaming yourself.
2. Talk to your partner
Communication is the key to every relation. Your partner might not understand what you are feeling and might misunderstand your change in attitude as change in priorities. (Though it could be true sometimes) Talk to them.
3. Don’t be hard on yourself
Gone are those days when women are the Goddesses of ‘do-it-all’ and ‘give-it-all’. If you try to do everything yourself, you will reach the bottleneck at some point. The social media is no less in projecting the perfect lady picture of taking care of kids, keeping the house impeccable, and looking gorgeous simultaneously with a romantic endeavor that looks pitch-perfect.
Perfect woman is not the one who does everything perfectly. A perfect woman is the one who is content with her imperfection. You have the whole life left to be perfect but this is your time to be happy.
4. Spend quality time
Spending time with your partner is very important. You must make them realise that you are making the effort. Now that you have communicated with them, your little efforts will be notices and understood.
If you don’t have any common interests, do what you both love. If he likes listening to music and you like reading, let him listen in his earpiece. You can sit and read beside him. The ambience you share is important. What you do is secondary.
5. Household chores can wait
As I mentioned before, you need not be the flag bearer of perfection. You need to grow beyond “I don’t like to leave dirty dishes, I don’t like dust on the floor, ” unless you have clinical OCD.( WELL OCD IS USED SYNONYMOUS TO CLEANLINESS THESE DAYS)
6. PDA is not a crime
Don’t hesitate to show your love wherever you want. A peck on the lips in public place is not going to land you in the prison. If you have elder kids, don’t think what they would presume. They should grow up seeing their parents love each other unrelentingly. There is no better positivity lessons to teach them.
This doesn’t mean that you should go all out to give them intercourse classes. You know better!
If you feel that nothing works, don’t hesitate to take help.